relentless rantings require resonance

A lot of whining and complaining. Some very interesting points. Ridiculous amounts of gushing about my son. Yup, that about sums it up.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

avoidance therapy?

I am avoinding sleep like the plague. Am I doing anything usefull? No. Am I wide awake? No. My eye lids are as heavy as my honey baked ham sized thighs. So why am I still awke. Anxiety.
Anxiety has become the story of my life. It is the polar opposite of what used to be my life. So I guess you can say that I've come full circle. But that's not exactly comforting.

Anxiety. I can barely sleep. I have almost constant headaches. My appetite is bizarre at best. I am becoming increasingly paranoid over stupid things (like zombies), but only in the late night hours when I should be sleeping.

So, what to do. I canoot concentrate long enough to work on my paper (that is due on Thursday) and I can't seem to make myself get up from my desk and go to bed. I have a new mattress. it is soft. I have a husband and a puppy in there waiting for me. They're already asleep and have been for a few hours now.

Anxiety. If I could bottle it up and sell it to all of the sufferes of depression, they'd buy it like razor blades. You'd think that being over anxious about getting everything (and I do mean everything) done would actually motivate you to get anything done. You'd be wrong. Can't concentrate. Can barely type. Eye lids are barely staying open.

I still need to take my eye make-up off. That's enough to keep me from going to bed. Why? I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't be typing this ridiculous blog.

Anxiety. Last week it made my face break out. I am turning 26 in a week and I have never had a break out. Until last week that is. I guess 2 panic attacks in 3 days will do that to you.


Fuck anxiety.